Last week, I received a message from one of my friends. He told me he has a problem but he is not ready to tell people yet.
I replied, “Oks… don’t tell me.”
He said, “You’re annoying, I chatted you for this.”
The he**? So I’m not part of your concept of ‘people’? But I replied” Yo, what’s up?”
“We broke up. I love her and she just ended our 2 years relationship. Just like that.”
I was shock of course but I don’t know what to reply. I’m used to being the walking confession box of my friends but I don’t know if I am the right person to give love advises. Also, just listening won’t be a great idea because we’re in Messenger app and I think being ‘seen’ zoned won’t make him feel any better.
Short background: He and her girlfriend are in a relationship for 2 years now. Things were going smoothly until they graduated last year. They said they were okay with the long distance thing since they need to work for their professional licenses. Engineering though requires a lot of focus and time (personal opinion). One day he told me that her girlfriend just blocked him in messenger and all contacts after telling him they should break up. He just ended up asking friends and stalking the girl’s posts (thru different account because she blocked him). Sad. And it frustrates my friend a lot.
Here: I tried to translate our conversation in English. Lol. I made an effort for this reflection. I censored name and info and I also asked him about this post. SO it’s okay.
Note: If I sound insensitive or what. I’m really sorry. Huhu. My friends know I’m a little harsh but I really cared a lot.
Let’s call him Peter.
Peter: She called me childish.
Me: Maybe you should stop? Are you okay with here just being forced back in your relationship?
Peter: F*** man, she’s my world and I feel paranoid without her,
Me: I think it’s wrong. The world doesn’t just revolve around a single person. Two years bond is not easy to break I know. Just don’t be too obsessed. I think? Allow yourself to heal.
Peter: I already accepted the fact that we’re not going back. I just feel empty or what that she blocked me of all contacts. At least I need a proper closure. Something in person.
Me: I hear you. And you deserve it. Are you officially, you know…?
Peter: Yes. And she posted this on social media. What does she mean?
The girl’s post: Chill! You’re not yet 30. Fix your career first while you’re waiting for a happy love life. Maybe she’s just busy on her own career now. Maybe if you’re destined later. Then you are.
Me: I don’t get why she had to post this instead of directly explaining this to you.
Peter: That’s why I’m confused and frustrated. Her last words were “Be a man, not a boy“. Then poof. Gone. I felt like I am floating where nowhere to land.
Me: Poor you. You had a relationship with a seer. Haha. You should have asked her about the future licensure exam results then. We badly need the prophecy.
Peter: Great help. Thanks.
Me: I’m not really good at this but hear me out. You’re officially off now right? She clearly doesn’t want it anymore. You still like it though. I think. She want to stop your relationship. You’re young. Focus on other things such as developing yourself. Discover yourself more. Because that’s what she wants. She wants to focus on herself without any other commitment. She want to build her career. You should too. Then by the time you both achieved it. Who knows. If you’re still both single. Then you still want her that time. And she wants you. Then you know. Maybe it’ll work out.
He replied with cheesy messages I can’t take to share it. Lol.
Anyway, he said he’s better now ( I don’t think so though). But she stopped contacting her as well and he started sharing a lot of breaking up memes now. HAHAHA. Which is I think a psychological defense mechanism thing.
Final Words: Relationships are complicated. I think there is no general mathematical formula to solve each. It’s always a case to case basis and we just have to do our best in every situation.
If you made an effort to read this. Thank you so much. I appreciate it a lot.
HAVE A GOOD DAY !
Sunday Reflections #3 – Relationship vs Career