three lighted candles and the same coffee

A gloomy rainy day is not a cheerful way of greeting my 2.3 decades on earth. But apparently, the monotonous sound of raindrops and the gray to dark surrounding neutralized my uneasy mood. I feel strangely calm. I actually like this feeling.

So far, I am still an accumulation of cosmos aimlessly wandering this part of my little universe. I thought this past year was gonna be better. Now I am not sure if it was. A part of me is telling me that I did. Probably if I asked my friends and family as well they will tell me the same for the sake of my sanity. But there is a part of me that whispers that I’m losing scores at some point. And I’m actually feeling it.

Today, as part of my plan, I went to church and prayed. I told Him everything. Yes. Everything that I was feeling at the moment. I tried my best to be honest, I even shared my point of view about religion lol. Strangely, I felt like a heavy thing was removed on me after sharing the tiniest and most awkward thoughts that I have. It is somehow literal because I felt light and very calm afterwards.

Moreover, as part of my yearly ritual I am writing something write now. This write up including and at the same time trying to reply to lots of greetings in my phone. Of course, I do all these in a cafe over an iced coffee. Alone.

These things are simple. But I love my peace.

Like most young professionals at my age, I am still on the process of looking for what I want too. But I’m not being tight. I am kind of used to the feeling of losing battles and, to be fair, winning some as well. It is now part of my core beliefs that I should not be drowning myself too much to my goals or to the demands of the world. I want to live my life more as I see fit. Enjoy even the simplest things. Because if there is one thing that this past year made me realize, it is that life is short and fragile.

So the challenge is on how to loosen up while being responsible at the same time.

I need to go home now. Stay safe friends. Have a good day.

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